How to Win an Election in 2200

     Politics in this country has reached, arguably, an all-time low. Elections have always been dirty and disgusting, filled with all sorts of shenanigans and below-the-belt blows, but election results were always accepted in the end, after a few gunshots. The "Stop the Steal" movement of 2020 has put all future elections in jeopardy of being never-ending opportunities for graft and favoritism.  Undoubtedly, politics will evolve to encompass this new trend, and the media will be a big part of it.

       FOX: We are announcing tonight that Rowdy Murdaugh now has enough electoral college votes to secure the presidency for 2200! The result was in doubt for maybe five minutes there, but everyone knew that Murdaugh would come through in the end. It's a clear victory for the Republicans and a great sign that this nation has finally gained the courage to elect a clear winner!

       CNN: There is not a doubt about it, ladies and gentlemen. Cora Manchester is the new president for 2200! She completely dominated Murdaugh and the other candidates, garnering over three-fifths of the electoral college votes. Not since 2184 have we seen this kind of sweeping victory for the Democrats. This election will also go down in history as the fairest and least troubled election in the last hundred years.

        OAN: Finally! We have a definitive winner in the 2200 election! Jesus Christ, running as an independent, has swept every state of the union and will be President of the United States. His running mate, the Holy Ghost, praised the nation for making the Whitehouse "God's House".  

       SyFy: Wow, dude!!! The winner of the 2200 presidential election has been decided, and I can scarcely believe it. Malware has gained enough electoral college votes to not only secure the Presidency, but proclaim the Earth a new member of the Galactic League of Cyborg Planets.

       MeTv: The  election for 2200 has ended, folks, and the President has been crowned. It was a close race, but in the end, father knew best. Dick Van Dyke, running under the SitCom banner, swept the other pretenders under the rug and rubbed neighbor Jerry Helper the wrong way by making Mary Tyler Moore his vice president, or did he? We'll be back with more after The Brady Bunch.

       Of course, no one mentioned above as a Presidential winner is exempt from winning the Presidency. Each party has assured that a flesh and blood human will act as the President's liaison, explaining just what the President wants. The hard part will be figuring out the choreographed dance following the election tracing votes in each state that were compromised, misinterpreted or otherwise tampered with. Some of those votes will have multiple incidents, which only delays the process even further. Naturally, none of the post-election finger pointing will have any basis in reality. The process only determines which party has the most clout with the voters. Candidates will slowly be eliminated by the process of isolation. Even three years after the election, two or three parties may be running the country (and not very successfully.)